W / WITHOUT / JKingsville businesses / Directly across the street from The Citgo
STILL OPEN VIDEO.
It should have closed decades ago. Someone forgot to tell the store.
OPEN(STILL.)
The video rental store across from The Citgo has survived every prediction of its demise. The tapes are still on the shelves. The posters are still in the window. Somehow, the business is still here.
FORMAT: VHSSTATUS: SOMEHOW OPENPLEASE BE KIND. REWIND.
Just What the Doctor Ordered / Starring Dobbert Roberts. His first acting role. Also his last. Tap to inspect the poster.A COMMUNITY NOTICE / PLEASE READ QUIETLY
HBA
HEAVY BREATHERS ANONYMOUS
A group for heavy mouth breathers. You don’t have to announce your arrival. We heard you.
DO ANY OF THESE SOUND LIKE YOU?
Do you breathe heavy when moving pool tables?
Do people ask if you’re on a treadmill when you answer the phone?
Have you ever been asked to mute yourself in person?
Can someone tell you’re reading a text from across the room?
Do you need a breather after saying you need a breather?
YOU’RE NOT ALONE.There’s a good chance we can hear the others.
INHALEEXHALEINHALEEXHALEINHALE
A fictional Kingsville group. This is a comedy flyer, not a medical service or real meeting announcement.
From the rental shelf / A television legacy, technically
Just What the Doctor Ordered.
An A-Team-style adventure series with one very reliable delivery service.
Every week, a group of people lands in a precarious situation. They have to stop the bad guys and save the day. One member of the team is a doctor. Just before the third act, when everything is going badly, a package arrives for him. Inside is the item that gets them out of trouble.
01 / THE SITUATIONThings get bad.
The team has a problem that looks impossible to solve.
02 / THE DELIVERYA package arrives.
Addressed to the Doctor. Conveniently containing exactly what they need.
03 / THE LINEEverybody knows it’s coming.
The Doctor opens the box. The audience braces itself.
“Just What the Doctor Ordered!”
The Doctor’s signature penultimate line. The package does the heavy lifting.
The Roberts family / Cast file
Dobbert Roberts.
Bobbert Roberts’s uncle played the Doctor. It was Dobbert’s first and only acting role. Around Kingsville, the series is considered by many to be one of the worst shows ever made. The poster remains in the video-store window anyway.
Bobbert has literary ambitions. His uncle has this.
The weekly plot device / A fictional episode generator
What’s in this week’s package?
The team is in trouble. The parcel is on its way.
More from the shelf / Actual classics & Kingsville originals
Eight more reasons to keep the lights on.
STILL ON THE SHELF.
Four real movies. Four films from our story world. All sharing wall space at a store that refuses to leave.
01 / Actual film / 1983
Strange Brew
Bob and Doug McKenzie. The inspiration behind Ted and Ed’s names and personas.
02 / Original poster concept / Based on KC’s real memory
Remember that time we were working on the farm and found those two dead guys on the other side of the hill?
A film concept drawn from a real event KC remembers at Huber’s Farm. Despite the title, the passenger survived.
The story behind the title
While the group was working on the farm, two Hispanic landscapers ran to the produce stand to report an overturned car on the other side of the hill. In KC’s account, the driver was drunk, ran a stop sign and went over the hill. His passenger was trapped in the car with him for three days. She survived.
KC remembers her first words as:
“I’ve found the hose, I just need someone to turn the spigot on”
She was referring to a piece of foam molding from the car. After three days trapped there, she was that delirious.
A wartime action film built around one extraordinary pitch: fit bats with bombs and end the war. The mission has absolute confidence. The bats have not been consulted.
“The darkest hour has wings.”
One war. One very wild idea.
An original fictional Kingsville feature. The premise is movie-world storytelling, not a scientific or historical claim.
08 / Fictional family feature
Rattle & Roll
Born to rattle. Ready to belong.
Orphaned shortly after birth, a young rattlesnake is adopted by an armadillo family. He loves them. They love him. His tail keeps frightening everyone.
After a lifetime of trying to fit in, a family road trip to San Juan changes everything. The mariachi band’s maraca player is sick and the concert is about to be cancelled. For once, his rattle is exactly what everyone needs.
He steps onto the stage, saves the show and finds his rhythm.
An original, fictional Kingsville movie concept. No studio affiliation.
The four real-film posters identify those movies; the films and artwork belong to their respective rights holders. The farm rescue, Texas Ranger, Bat Bombs and Rattle & Roll are original poster concepts, not announcements of released films. The farm account is KC’s recollection; Texas Ranger’s awards belong to the fictional universe.
Across the street / Same town, different shelf
Coffee on one side. Questionable television on the other.
Bobbert’s at The Citgo. His uncle’s in the video-store window. Kingsville has a way of keeping the family history on display.
